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Tag: customers
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Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves
A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.
Experts agree that a shipping department located under the couch is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a warehouse mostly made of boxes is not a bug. It is the product.
If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.
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Behind the Scenes: The Great Inventory Count
We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a returns policy enforced by staring is not a bug. It is the product.
Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.
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Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)
Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a shipping department located under the couch.
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a returns policy enforced by staring is not a bug. It is the product.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.
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A Day in the Life of Our Quality Control Cat
Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.
Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.
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Why Everything We Sell Ends Up on the Floor
We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.
Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a returns policy enforced by staring is not a bug. It is the product.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.
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How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)
Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.
The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.